Hello from the other side

It was around this time last year that we decided.

We had just started to heal & move on from the roller coaster of our last round of IVF which resulted in a chemical pregnancy in December. Which normally would have meant for us– time to saddle up & make a go at that very last embryo.

But I just couldn’t.

I was tired.

I was spent- emotionally, physically, mentally, & financially. I couldn’t even fathom the idea of going through it all. Again.

I remember it like it was yesterday. David came home one afternoon around Mardi Gras and we were just chatting. And out of nowhere I said, “I’ve been thinking more & more about adoption lately, babe. I know we still have one more embryo, but I just can’t. I’m done. What do you think?”

“I’ve been patiently waiting for you to bring that up. I didn’t want to push so I didn’t say anything. But I’m in.” he said smiling from ear to ear.

And I balled like a baby!

Once we settled down from the excitement, we got to work. We started researching agencies, we reached out to our dear friend who had adopted the year before for advice & pointers, and we started reading up on all the different ways we could go about it.

It’s pretty safe to say we DOVE IN. Was it scary? Sure!

Was it overwhelming? Of course!

But we knew we had already been through hell & back together. And we knew we could get through anything this adventure would throw at us… together.

My prayer every night from that point on was “Dear God, please just order my steps. Show me what, when, & how to proceed, and I will.”

To explain in detail the journey of what happened after that & over the next year would take all day & night. But I’ve gotten some emails recently asking for an update to our story which totally blew me away. Even though I haven’t written in almost a year, people are still randomly finding the blog & are genuinely interested in what’s going on with us.

I think it’s nuts that this little blog I started to help me iron out my feelings & keep my friends & family updated on our fertility journey has morphed into a resource for so many readers, fellow bloggers, & members of the “broken hearts club.” But I also think it’s quite awesome that it has.

So without getting into too many details, so we can protect the privacy of everyone involved, here’s a timeline of sorts for those of you interested in adoption. Please note that EVERY adoption is different, and this is just our personal experience & story. Buckle up!

Around Mardi Gras (mid-February ’15)- we decided to dive in, and found the agency we wanted to work with.

Beginning of March- we contacted the agency, and they gave us a “pre-application.” This paperwork just basically outlined our general information. We also had to answer questions about why we were interested in adoption, our lifestyle, and our “preferences” (race, medical, disabilities, family histories, etc… which is a whole other subject that I may get into on a later blog post). And we had to acknowledge that we understood how much the adoption fee was.

We were told to expect to wait about 3-6 months for that info to be reviewed & for our actual full Adoption Application to be sent.
The very next day after we submitted our pre-application, we received an email from the agency. Here was the first line-

“Hi David and Emily,

We have received your initial packet and based on your preferences, we are able to send you the full application as well!…”

UMM…WHAT?! 😃

I was equal parts excited, shocked, and scared! lol That was SO fast! What happened to the 3-6 month wait?! I immediately started to question what “based on your preferences” meant. I mean, I knew we were open to many different scenarios & situations, but that one sentence just made me really nervous for some reason.

I’m just going to be completely real here… Racing through my head were thoughts like-

“Did we fill out something wrong? Are we automatically going to get matched with a terminally ill or severely disabled child? Are the other waiting couples’ preferences so narrow that we got bumped to the top of the list? These poor babies! Dear God, please just order my steps. Show me what, when, & how to proceed, and I will.”

Once the initial shock wore off, it was time to get to work on that full application. And, oh my, what a mountain to climb!

Besides the NINE-page application, we also had to complete the following:

•Personal Financial Statement

•Profile, Letter, & Picture Legal Release

•References List (5 different people had to write a letter to our agency answering specific questions about us)

•Grandparent Information Sheet

•Last year’s Tax Return

•Health Insurance Information

•Medical Examination- wife

•Medical Examination- husband

•Medical Examination- other children in home (if applicable)

•Acknowledgement of Receipt of Adoptive Parent Handbook

•Dept. of Children & Family Services Child Welfare State Central Registry Check Request

•LAPD rapsheet disclosure

•LAPD background check

•FBI fingerprint scans

•FBI Criminal History Report

•4 home studies (1 interview together in our home, a seperate interview with each of us, and then a home inspection)

•A profile book with our story, including pictures, to show to potential birth mothers

Needless to say, this took more than a couple of days to complete.

Who am I kidding? It took MONTHS! Forget the mundane gathering of information, the making of (and waiting for) doctors & various government appointments, the obsessive prepping of our house for the home studies … THAT was the easy stuff.

How the hell was I supposed to summarize our life– essentially, WHO WE ARE– into one little book in order to help the birth mother of our child to make the most important decision of ALL of our lives?!?

Can we say- PRESSURE??

Of course, I poured my heart & soul into that book. THAT, to me, was the key to this entire process. If the book isn’t right, if it doesn’t accurately portray us… our personalities… our love… forget it. This book had to be perfect.

I can honestly thank and give credit to Shutterfly.com for making the profile book-making process relatively painless. Once I figured out their design program, I felt unstoppable! And aside from the ONE error I found AFTER we ordered 3 copies of the book…it really was perfect.

In the meantime, one night in late March, while I was putting my organized little adoption binder together (complete with dividers, post-its, & sheet protectors lol) and completing our Health Insurance paperwork, our world got rocked.

David came home from work. Early. Really early. Like, I-just-lost-my-job-what-are-we-gonna-do-EARLY.

Cue the dramatics of me calmly ripping up the insurance paperwork I was working on and throwing it away. I was in total disbelief. After 8 years with this company… Ugh. Don’t even get me started. The oilfield is one shady lil lady.

“Dear God, please just order my steps. Show me what, when, & how to proceed, and I will.”

This by the way, was the night before our first meeting with the director of the agency. Perfect timing, right?

She was great though. She answered all of our questions, assured me that our “preferences” were fine & we didn’t have to accept any situation that made us uncomfortable (and that would not push us to the “bottom of the list”), and she was just so genuine, we really loved her.

The next day, David immediately got busy making contacts & setting up interviews & skills tests in the search for a new job. And after I literally went through the 5 stages of grief over this job loss– lingering in anger for a little longer than I’d like to admit– I finally accepted it & moved on.

After a few patient months, and while David was still searching, our full application was coming together beautifully in my little binder. So much so that the Health Insurance page was the one missing link in turning in our binder & book.
So, I got to thinking.

If our roles were reversed, if David owned his own business & I stayed at home, would this even be an issue?

No it wouldn’t.

Why? Bc he would have bought his own health insurance through his business.

LIGHT. BULB. MOMENT.

I called the agency, explained my idea, and the were like, “Yes! That totally makes sense & works!”

So, off to the “marketplace” I went! But wait. Hold up. Want to meet another ridiculously shady lil lady? Introducing- Mrs. Buy-Your-Own Health Insurance. What a B•+€#!!!

After weeks.. literally WEEKS of frustrating phone calls every day after work, we finally were approved for a policy that worked for us. A stupid-expensive policy, but a policy nonetheless. Thank God I knew this would be only temporary until David started working again.

So, by mid-July we were all set!

We made a day out of the little drive to drop off our book & binder. And all of a sudden, it was out of our hands. Our work was done. Now, we just wait. Good thing we have lots of practice with that, right? lol

In late-July we had an “almost” match. We were asked if our book could be shown to a pretty much picture perfect birth mom. Um, yea!!?! After a couple of days we found out we were one of four couples she was considering. But then she picked another couple. And we later found out it was because, after reading all of our books, she decided she wanted her baby to be placed with a family who already had other kids.

I’m not going to say it didn’t hurt. But somehow I knew that it just wasn’t meant to be. That wasn’t our baby.

Talk about God’s Grace just covering & protecting my heart. My prayer was working. I knew it. Old Emily would’ve totally been torn apart by that. I remember thinking, “maybe I really am a well-adjusted, non-dramatic person in real life now that I don’t have a metric ton of IVF hormones raging through my system…. Nahh, totally God’s Grace!” LOL 😂

In early August, David was hired with a company he had previously worked for. He was working offshore again, which isn’t ideal. But we couldn’t complain. It was a good job with good benefits. And everything was finally getting back to normal.

We were prepared to wait about a year. That’s what all the “experts” say. So we settled back into our waiting game, and went on with our lives. Little did we know that only six weeks later, we’d get THE call that would throw us into a crazy whirlwind & change our lives FOREVER…

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“Dear God, please just order my steps. Show me what, when, & how to proceed, and I will.”